Lesson 6: New Family, New Routines and Traditions
New Family, New Routines and
Traditions
Welcome back to our final lesson.
Last week we discussed creating family goals and values. The transition into
parenthood also means that you are creating a new family. Creating a new family
comes with the opportunity to create new routines and traditions. That’s what
we will be discussing this week.
Routines
Sylvia Rodger, an associate professor, and Jade Evans, an
honors student did a study on family routines and rituals. In their study they
stated that, “family rituals are a symbolic form of communication, expressing
family identity and defining the boundaries of the family unit. Family routines
and rituals have been reported as having protective properties promoting family
resilience (Evans & Rodger, 2008).” 
Personal account from Shayla Williams: When my husband and I
first got married it was a very new experience to figure out how to blend all
of our favorite family traditions. It was easy to talk about the future. We
would talk about when we would have children and how we wanted to incorporate
certain holiday and family traditions into their lives. We just recently found
out that we are expecting our first child, and now all of those conversations
are becoming very real. We’ve talked about a wide variety of routines from
bedtimes, to eating meals together, to technology use in our home. These are
all routines that may be incorporated a little later on, but we’ve found that
discussing the routines we want to create for our child allows us to define the
boundaries of our family, our values, and how we can do our best to protect our
children. It helps us create our own definition of our family.
What is great about these examples from The Incredibles is that they represent reality so well; the brother
and sister fighting, the little disputes between husband and wife, a tired dad
that just came home from work. We can all probably recall many similar family
dinners growing up. Family dinners are definitely not always happy gatherings,
but what these videos also represent is the opportunity for this busy family to
gather together and talk about their days and important family matters. It
shows the family closeness and connectedness.
In a research study done by the Journal of Nurse Practitioners, a large
list of benefits was found from family routines and eating meals together as a
family. Some of those benefits are; enhanced vocabulary, academic success,
healthy food selections, demonstration of positive values, and avoidance of
high-risk behaviors in children, along with increased family closeness and
connectedness, and stronger relationships between parents and their children
(Fruh et. al., 2011). Make it a goal to sit down together and talk about the routines
that you want to implement into your family and your children’s lives.
Traditions
When you think back to childhood,
what are the memories that stick out most to you? When holidays like Christmas roll around,
chances are you know exactly how Christmas morning will go. Studies have shown that the traditions in
families are what bind them together and bridge generations together. In fact, in studies done to determine what
makes a resilient family, rituals and traditions are both a factor in determining
if a family is more likely to be resilient.
(McCubbin & McCubbin, 1988)
The more consistent a family is in their transitions, the more likely
they are to come through stressful situations like a short term illness or
financial strain in a positive mentality.
Family traditions are not always big
elaborate holidays or events. Don’t get
us wrong, we love the big elaborate holidays...most of the time… Take a few moments to reflect on the
traditions that meant the most to you.
Maybe even talk with your friends to see what traditions they loved as
children. The goal is for you and your
spouse to have traditions that are in line with your lifestyle and values you
want to pass down to your children. One
of my (this is Rachael writing) favorite traditions is the birthday tradition I
had growing up. The person who’s
birthday it was sat on the coffee table in the middle of the living room, and
had to face each member of the family as they took turns expressing what they
loved about the birthday girl or boy. It
started out as a fun thing when we were little but as we got older and those
expressions of love and gratitude were less frequent, it became a tradition
that we valued more than I can say without getting really emotional. It was a precious tradition, and it allowed
for the transmission of the family value of unconditional love and acceptance
within the family. This tradition took
about ten minutes on each birthday, and required no gifts, no money, and no
preparation. The impact it had on our
family cannot adequately be put into words.
We want to emphasize that sometimes the best traditions are the ones
that are the simplest.
We aren’t going to turn a blind eye to how hard it can be to
create traditional experiences for your kids.
Just look at ‘the elf on the shelf’.
This is one of Rachael’s biggest regrets as a parent. The kids love the tradition of looking for the elf Mart. She does not love the
tradition of getting up at midnight every night in December because she forgot
to move said elf. If you want to do this
for your child, we are not going to stop you. But don’t say Rachael didn’t warn
you. Really though, rituals and
traditions can be adapted to fit your family. The important thing is that your
traditions are important enough to you or to your kids to continue them on.
What traditions do for children is create a sense of
security and stability in that they know what is coming next. It also provides a chance to pass down the
important cultural aspects of the past to the new generation. For example, remember when Rachael wrote
about how her husband wanted to continue the tradition of giving the family new
Christmas jammies on Christmas Eve?
Well, that is because that is what he grew up with, and what his mother
grew up with. Now Rachael’s kids look
forward to opening up their Christmas pajamas on Christmas Eve, after we eat a
beautifully made Christmas Eve dinner and act out the nativity scene from the
Bible. Traditions are beautiful in that
they help promote the values and morals of one generation to the next. In lesson five, values are what make a family
a family. We feel that traditions are
what bring those precious family values to life.
At the end of our last lesson, we are so grateful that you
have taken the time to learn and prioritize your family. We sincerely hope that you have learned new
strategies for strengthening your marriage, as well as new ideas and techniques
you can apply in your journey of parenthood. For your last homework assignment, we would
love to hear your thoughts on our lessons.
We have prepared a short survey for you to fill out, it shouldn’t take
more than a minute or two. Thank you
again for joining us! We wish you all
the best in your new roles as parents.
References
Evans, J., & Rodger, S. (2008) Mealtimes and Bedtimes: Windows to Family
Routines and
Rituals. Journal
of Occupational Science. Retrieved from https://byui.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-ebscohost-com.byui.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=hus&AN=33766826&site=eds-live
Fruh,
Sharon M., Fulkerson, Jayne A. ,Mulekar, Madhuri S.,Kendrick, Lee Ann J. , and
Clanton, Clista . (2011). The Journal for Nurse Practitioners. Retrieved from AHIPwww.sowashco.org/files/department/nutrition/The%20Surprising%20Benefits%20of%20the%20Family%20Meal.pdf
McCubbin, H., & McCubbin, M. (1988). Typologies of
Resilient Families: Emerging Roles of Social Class and Ethnicity. Family Relations, 37(3), 247-254. doi:10.2307/584557
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