Lesson 1: Congratulations, you’re having a baby! Now What?



            Whether you and your spouse have long awaited this new addition to your family, or it came as a complete surprise, you are probably picturing how your life is about to change. Having a baby can create a flood of emotions. You are probably excited, nervous, overjoyed, scared, or all of the above. In addition to adding a new baby to the family, changes often also occur in your relationship with your spouse. The transition to parenthood can be a stressful period for a couple. “It is the arrival of the first child which is the most challenging as a person changes into a parent and a couple into a family with children (Polomeno, 2007).” When the foundation of a couple’s marriage is strong beforehand, couples and their children will reap the benefits. The purpose of this program is to help create a strong foundation between you and your partner, so that you can give your children the gift of a stable and loving relationship.  We have created six lessons for you to learn about yourself, your partner, your marriage, and preparing for the new arrival to your family.

 
Creating and Maintaining a Strong Marriage through the Foundation of Friendship. 
            To introduce our first lesson, we wanted to share a video that highlights what strong marriages are built on. 

What did you hear in that video that resonated with you?  Michelle Obama emphasized how much you need to like and respect the person you are with.  Viola Davis kept it real in saying that marriage starts when you look over at your spouse and think, “I want to kill this person”, and choosing to love them anyway.  Rachael’s personal favorite was Will and Jada Smith, who stressed the importance of having shared meaning.  Beyoncé wrapped it up for us in saying, “We built the foundation of our friendship first.”
If you were to ask yourself, “How well do I know my spouse?” What would your answer be?  In times of transition, like pregnancy and the anticipation of a complete life change, a person can have new or old fears or doubts come up.  The importance of maintaining friendship in times of transition is a key factor in any major life changes, but especially in becoming parents for the first time.  Knowing your partner's fears, experiences, excitements, and a general idea of what is happening in their life will create a frame of reference for when the big day arrives and the real transition begins. Let’s face it, becoming a parent is scary.   For most marriages, marital satisfaction declines after the birth of the first child. (Gottman, Shapiro, & Parthemer, 2004) Make it a goal to avoid this decline and come through this transition more unified with your spouse. 
The Four Agreements is a wonderful resource in maintaining a solid foundation of friendship in a marriage.  Yes, it is a very holistic approach (this book is well loved by yogis the world over) but the principles are sound and proven in any relationship.  Agreements two and three are 2. Don’t take anything personally, and 3. Don’t make assumptions. Knowing your partner and having a constantly updated friendship foundation will help in both not taking a your partner’s bad mood personally and also avoiding assumptions as to why they are having a bad day in the first place.
 We have a little activity with some questions that you could ask your spouse to help build a new layer of your friendship that is specific to becoming a parent for the first time.  Don’t feel like you need to ask all these questions of one another all at once.  Some of them may need further discussion, and that is a-okay!  Set up a date night and go to your favorite restaurant, or order in from your favorite Chinese place, or cook dinner together while you go through these questions.  The important thing is that you are both taking the time to get to know each other in a different light before the baby arrives.  Some of these questions you probably already know the answer to, but some you may not, and some answers may change because now you are answering them through the lens of a soon-to-be parent.  Keep that in mind!

  •  What are most excited about with the new baby?
  •   What is your biggest fear about becoming a parent?
  •   What are your life dreams?
  •   Overall, what was your childhood like?  Is there anything that you would want to change about it or do differently?
  •   What are you most excited about lately (besides the baby)?
  •   How often were you around babies growing up?
  •   What are some important things coming up in your life besides the baby?
  •  What do you like to do in your free time?
  •   What is your favorite way to spend the day together?
  •   What is your favorite way to celebrate a birthday? How did you celebrate birthdays as a child?
  •   What do you like to do to relax?
  •   What are your favorite restaurants?
These may seem like silly questions, and I hope you came up with lots more on your own!  The goal of this activity is to lay a foundation of things you already know about your partner so when that stressful day comes, you will already have a good idea of what it is about and know how to offer comfort and support!  

Homework to prepare for next week:
This week take moment each day to recognize how you and your partner respond to each other emotionally. Feel free to keep a journal throughout these lessons and record your thoughts and feelings. 

Looking Ahead - Lesson Outline
Lesson 2 – Maintaining a Strong Marriage through Emotional Bank Accounts
Lesson 3 – Supporting One Another through Self Care and Stress Relief
Lesson 4 – The Importance of New Parental Roles
Lesson 5 – Family Goals and Values
Lesson 6- Creating new Routines and Traditions

           
Please fill out this short evaluation form to help us improve our lessons. Thanks!
Evaluation Form


References

Belsky J., & Rovine, M. (1990). Patterns of Marital Change across the Transition to

Parenthood: Pregnancy to Three Years Postpartum. Journal of Marriage and Family, (1), 5. https://doi-org.byui.idm.oclc.org/10.2307/352833

Gottman JM, Shapiro AF, & Parthemer J. (2004). Bringing baby home: a workshop for new and

expectant parents. International Journal of Childbirth Education, 19(3), 28–30. Retrieved from https://byui.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-ebscohost-com.byui.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=cin20&AN=106600143&site=eds-live
Miguel, D.R., (1997) The four agreements: A practical guide for personal freedom. San Rafael, California: Amber-Allen Publishing.
Polomeno, V. (2007). Marriage in the Transition to Parenthood: How Can Perinatal Education

 Help? Or Can It? International Journal of Childbirth Education, 22(2), 21–29. Retrieved from https://byui.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-ebscohost-com.byui.idm.oclc.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=awh&AN=25608601&site=eds-live


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lesson 4: Taking on New Roles

Image
Welcome to lesson 4 of our online program Strengthening Your Marriage During the Transition to Parenthood. Last week we discussed the importance of self-care and stress relief. Rachael took you through a breathing exercise/ meditation. We hope that you and your partner have been able to use these exercises to help you relieve some stress and prepare you for when your baby comes. In the transition to parenthood also comes the stress of taking on new roles. You will no longer be a family consisting of a husband and wife; you are becoming a mother and a father. This week we are going to discuss the experiences, challenges, and importance of taking on these new roles as a mother and father and how to take on these roles with confidence.   Motherhood             We’ll begin with the new role of becoming a mother. As women we expect the transition to motherhood to be this glorious new change in our lives. We picture decora...
Read more

Lesson 6: New Family, New Routines and Traditions

Image
New Family, New Routines and Traditions           Welcome back to our final lesson. Last week we discussed creating family goals and values. The transition into parenthood also means that you are creating a new family. Creating a new family comes with the opportunity to create new routines and traditions. That’s what we will be discussing this week. Routines Sylvia Rodger, an associate professor, and Jade Evans, an honors student did a study on family routines and rituals. In their study they stated that, “family rituals are a symbolic form of communication, expressing family identity and defining the boundaries of the family unit. Family routines and rituals have been reported as having protective properties promoting family resilience (Evans & Rodger, 2008).” Personal account from Shayla Williams: When my husband and I first got married it was a very new experience to figure out how to blend all of our favorite family traditions. It was eas...
Read more

Lesson 3: Self Care and Stress Relief

Image
Welcome back!   We hope that you took the time to incorporate the activities in lesson two.   If you are taking notes or have a personal journal, it might be a good idea to write down what you learned or any insights you had while doing the action items at the end of the lesson.   For Shayla and I, writing thoughts and impressions down is a great way to retain the applied knowledge.   Journal writing can be a way to remember thoughts and ideas of how you can make those important small deposits in your spouse’s emotional bank account, as well as things that you think might help your spouse make deposits in yours. Are you ready for lesson three?   We are really excited about the concepts in this lesson and we hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed writing it.   Before we launch into the lessons that will help you maintain and strengthen your marriage when the baby arrives, we want to write about something that is very important. This topic is impor...
Read more